I am selfish

Being selfish is probably one of the easiest things one can do. It does not involve much effort nor is there much gain by being selfish. Because at the end of the day...you end up alone with a house full of nothing and no one to share it with.

I am Selfish. this is one of my poor qualities. I am not proud of it, in fact I tend to forget how selfish I really am, till I am reminded through the simple act of walking dogs.

This week and the next I am so blessed to house/ dog sit for a lady and her husband. I'm not only getting paid, but her house is literally five blocks away from the beach, the weather is ALWAYS perfect here and she has cable. YAY!!! I'm a TV junky right now, since we don't have cable at my house I am soaking up all the benefits of getting away for two weeks. And after being alone with the two dogs for a week now, its been well..lonely. I've had a lot of time to think as I'm waiting for the commercials to end or  as I am driving to and from work and as I am walking the dogs. Time to think about me and where I am at in life and how I live for me and me alone ALL the time. This clicked this afternoon when I came home and immediately was beckoned by the furry creatures to take them on an adventure. But all I wanted to do was kick off my shoes and relax. After walking the dogs for a week now, I have become a pro. I know all the streets and the places they like to go. I have noticed that in the morning bright and early the dogs are soooooo anxious and excited to get out of the house, do their business and make their mark on the streets. Their excitement is felt by the jolting of the leashes as I try not to trip over them, they are almost pulling me along. And towards the end of the 20 minute walk, I'm not the one being pulled anymore. 

I feel like this is me in a nutshell. When I first was passionate about the Lord I made an effort to get to know Him, I went to church 5 times a week, I was involved in three different ministries and life was busy. I wasn't thinking about the lack of rest I was getting because I didn't really care. I just had this passion and excitement for all that was going on around me. I was in a sense being pulled by all of the amazing teaching that I was receiving and  the great fellowship that I was apart of. I was always being uplifted and encouraged and through that I was pouring into others. But than the Lord, took me to a place of surrender. At that time I surrendered all that was keeping me busy and was brought to a place of rest. I never want to be at place where I am dragging others down with me, because of my lack of zeal for the Lord. I realized as I was taking those dogs on their stroll that Jesus is the only one who can fully keep me grounded and always their to uplift me. I can't always be there for my friends nor can they be there for me. My reliance should always be on the giver of life, the one who paints beauty in the sky that takes my breath away.

After being reminded once again that I need Jesus now more than ever, my perspective of me and the plan God has, just got a whole lot clearer. The moment I decrease, is the moment He can fully use me.

"For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. 17 But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere." James 3:16-17

Are we willing to be obedient to the call? Are you tired of being SELFISH? Are you the one being pulled or the one puling? Are you willing to be used?

There is a balance in life though, we are called to constantly lay down our lives for the Lord., we are not told that it will be easy or fun, but that the outcome will be all worth it. Jesus always laid down His life for His disciples  Jesus knew that He only had so much time on this earth to make an impact and He used it all to point the people back to the creator of the universe.

"So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." 
Philippians 2:1-4

"I am in awe of the majesty of my King and humbled by His humility 
I am in awe of His love and the sacrifice He made for me
I am honored to be called His beloved and unworthy to have Him as my Savior
I am captivated by His tender grace that no has no bounds
I am brought to my knees in surrender
and I am not; without the fall a lost and saved soul"

:Praying you take some time and seek the Lord on the areas your struggling in, He will always meet your where your at, you just need to ask . 

- Mis

1 comment

Unknown said...

I went through something similar recently, too. Its hard not to try to pull our Master in the direction we want to go and instead let Him lead us. But its so worth it when we do! Thanks for sharing :)